Saturday, March 30, 2013

Same old.. Same old drama..
I just miss you.. Too much..
I need someone to talk to..
But I have none..
I guess I’m all alone again..
I tried to be cool about this..
Tried to act like I’m over with this..
But the real truth here is..
It’s still here.. It always feels like it was just yesterday..



Erm.. Nothing special though..
These are just the moments where I have to get through with..
I always keep things on my own..
I’m so scared it’ll eat me from the inside..
I lost the ability to fully having fun..
I think my happy go lucky characteristic just a fake -___-
My ultimate armor of defense..
Hiding behind it is my real character..
If can.. I don’t want to be hypocrite.. But I can’t..
But still.. I have to move on though..
It’s just.. I don’t know till when I can hold lying to myself..



Plenty of advices from friends..
Plenty of things I’ve done..
Just to push you away out of my silly brain..
And it’s still not working..
What do I have to do to make this thing go away..
Am I should see you with someone else..
Then only makes me can get rid my feelings for you??
Deeply thinking.. It won’t work also..
I’ll still have this feeling if you with someone else..
The only different is.. It’ll hurt me damn much..



I can’t stand the idea of you being with someone else..
I can’t stand the idea of someone else is feeling the same way like I do when I was with you..
And I just can’t stand the idea..
Of someone else is having all that things that we had before..
Why do I have to be this selfish..
Adei… Napa la gini.. Penat eh jd gini..
I guess I end it here..
I need some distraction..
Till then.. I need to pamper myself with games.. Lol ^_____^

Thursday, March 28, 2013

It’s been a hell of a week..
I don’t know where to start.. I don’t know where to begin..
My fingers wouldn’t let me typing anything..
It feels like.. Between these fingers.. There’s something really heavy that’s making me hard to write..
But.. This is the place where I let it out loud..
This is the place where I went when I needed someone the most..
This is the only place where I can be my true-self..
And this is the only place where my feelings are real..
Only this blog makes me feel better..
Only these blog can take away the pain that I’m having..
And only this blog can makes me feels like I’m not alone..
Because I’ve really no one else to turn to.. Really.. No one else..



Let’s begin the hardest part..
I’m not a good person..
I know sometimes I’ll make people irritated..
And I know.. My childish behavior is far beyond tolerate..
ZUL ANIZAN ZULFIKAR..
Losing you is far different from losing someone else to me..
Far different from losing her..
Let me tell you one secret.. I’m a cold-hearted person..
I never shed a tears for people.. Not even once..
Even when I lose my close family members.. I never cried..
But.. For you.. I really couldn’t stand it..
I am really.. Really.. Really want to see you for the one last time..
But.. Unfortunately.. I didn’t have that opportunity..
I was too late Zul.. I’m soo sorry..
That was the only thing I regret the most..
The only things that keep on rolling inside my mind is our memories back then..
Seriously I couldn’t bear the fact that you’re leaving me..
There were many things we planned together..
Many things we want to achieved together..
And many things we done together..
Tapi.. Sesungguhnyaa.. Dia lebih menyayangimu..
HE takes you this early because HE loves you more..
And HE knows it more than anything in this whole universe..



Zul.. You’re the only one in this world who can stand with my childish behavior..
You were always there when I need someone to talk to..
And you are the only one who keeps advising me about everything..
The way I feel about you is like a brother-like relation..
Except I’m the younger brother..
But these few days.. I kept thinking and thinking..
There’s no way I’m losing you..
Yeap.. IM NOT LOSING YOU!!! THAT’S THE REAL FACT HERE!!
The fact you’re gone is really wrong.. 100% wrong!!
Because.. You’ll always inside here.. Here in my heart..
You’re always with me.. That’s the prove that you’re not gone..
There were too much we’ve been through together.. Way too much..
It’s was priceless.. Those memories..
Spending every single day within five years together..
There’s nothing can be compared to that..



From now on.. I’ll try my best.. A promise to myself..
I’ll try my hardest to achieve what we had planned before..
Sa sangat sayangkan ko.. I love you Zul..



Taken at TVRC.. On our way back to KK from Kenigau
 He was..
A good friend..
A caring brother..
Games competitor..
Team Mate..
House Mate..
Class Mate..
And a Family..
 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Tonight is really weird.. I mean weird weird..
Okay.. Starts with this one thing first..
I’m frustrating.. Because of noob reason..
I’ve become clueless after I saw my INTERIM school..
I was really really messed up.. It’s not like I’m not being grateful or anything..
But the truth is.. Kinda dissatisfied cause that school is not like what I’m imagine of..
I really want go to pedalaman.. Like hell seriously want to go there.. Having all that kind of adventures..
But is just not went really well to my expectation.. I guess I’m really have gone luck..
And still.. I’ll manage that.. Just think positive.. Everything’s happens for a reason..
Just want to let out this disappointment.. In the mean time.. I’m going to be fine.. As always..
Just a bit morale crash.. Memories dump.. Just need to restart again ^____^


 
And the second thing is.. Why is my hand so GATAL!!!!!!!!
Stupid me.. zzZZZ.. Out of the blue.. My silly hand pointing the mouse.. And then clicking the past few years event at my facebook there..
My worst nightmare.. YEAH!!!!!!!!! I’m hurt all over again now!!
Reviewing the past post.. I’m highlighting the 2010 year!!
There was smile.. Laugh.. And lastly.. Tears??? No worries.. I’m not crying.. Hahaha..
Crying from the outside NO!!! But from the inside.. Hell YES!!!
We were great together.. Cute together.. Meant for each other..
LOL!!! That was really off statement.. (look into the situation now)
Since when you’ve been stop posting at my facebook wall??
I was insanely happy when your name pop out at my wall there..
Hahaha.. Kinda childish though.. Stupid things I’ve done just to get your attention back then..
I know I take you for granted back then.. But then didn’t I’ve made it up back to you?
Hahaha.. You know the answers right..
Seriously even with just a noob post though.. You’ve really made my day..



Arrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! None of these words can describe it!!!
I LOVE YOU OKAY!!! NOT LOVED!!! SHOULDN’T BE PAST TENSE!! BECAUSE I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!
WTH!!!!.. What is wrong with me!!!!!! I’m not gonna through these things again!!!!!!!!
Please.. Don’t let me feel like these again..
I’ve suffered enough losing you.. Way much enough.. I don’t want to suffer again..
I shouldn’t love you this much.. Really shouldn’t..
Even when we both know where this relation is headed to.. I’m still keep on loving you..
Yeahh.. It’s my own mistakes.. I let myself drowned into this thing..



I’ve got nothing else.. Only the pieces of our memories and past life together..
It’s fine with me if you buried this love.. But not me..
I’ll never buried it.. Seriously.. For a person.. You’re really something..
Yeap.. Cause you can make me like this.. Hahaha..
Why?? Cause I’m not the happy go lucky person anymore..
I’m a simple minded person before.. But now.. Hell no..
I really dislike thinking.. I’ll just react when I feels like to..
But now.. My new hobby is thinking.. Yucksss!!
My mood kept swinging!!! I don’t know where the hell all my goody moods..
But the blame is not on you.. It’s on me.. Cause I’m the one who can’t control it..
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ll just stop here.. Or else.. I’m gonna bring myself pain again..
Let the times goes by.. Hmmmmm..
Mentally ill mode.. Gila -_____-

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Here again.. Hee..
Kesian ni blog.. Time ada problem jak bru di update.. Hahaha..
At least this blog is still my number one listener xD!!
And now.. Let’s write a lot… Miaaaahahahaha..
How am I? Am I okay? Still alive? Still kicking?
The answer is.. Yeah.. I’m just going be fine.. ^___^
Even though there was a time which is hard.. I think I’ll manage to get through with it..



But.. There is a little tiny enie minie problem.. Wahahaha
I kept dreaming of you.. Almost every day even till today.. How’s that? xD!!
There is no chance for me to completely get rid of you… -___-II
It’s strange.. Cause.. When we were together I’ve never dreamed of you this frequent..
Maybe I miss you too much.. That’s why.. Hahaha..
How are you? I think you’ll always being fine..
Miss me?? Nope.. I don’t think so..
Got think about me.. Even for a second? I guess nope also..
Erm.. Maybe dream about me?? Wahaha.. I’m sure the answer is farrrrrrrrr from yes.. xD!!
There was this proverb.. Sounds a little like this.. “cinta itu tidak seharusnya memiliki”
I guess.. I’m getting the meaning of that proverb.. Hahaha..



Oh yaaa.. Since I’ve been keep asked a lot about this question..
But.. Honestly I didn’t interested to answer pun >.<”
What is my type of girl?? LOL!!
My type huh? Erm.. Frankly speaking.. None of you girls is my type..
Wahahahaha… A little harsh there xD!!
So.. there is no point for me to answer that..
I’ve found one.. I mean my type.. But I lose her.. I let her slipped away.. -___-II
The reason is.. Erm.. Complicated.. Hahaha..
Alright.. Since I’m in the mood to write.. I’ll try to list down my type of girl.. Miaaaahahahahahaha!!
We go straight to appearance.. The physical..
I’m not the picky type.. So.. I never cared about the physical the most..
But there’s a few things.. Example.. Her hair.. I prefer shorted-hair than the longer one..
Example.. The character ‘Lisanna’.. From anime “Fairy Tail”
Wahahaha.. Don’t ask me why.. Because I also didn’t know the reason..
Her eyes.. Like’s a magnet to me.. Make’s me keep want to look into her eyes..
And lastly.. I’m easily attracted to smell.. I mean her smell.. Miaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!!
It’s like that insect that keep attracted and langgar itu lampu  -_____-
That’s all about physical.. Wakakakaka ^_____^



Next is.. I like the ‘manja’ type.. Hahaha.. But ‘manja’ at the right time only..
Not everytime.. It’ll makes me annoyed.. But still.. I liked it.. Wahahahaha!!!
She must be teased type.. Cause I love to teased people.. xD!!
But.. Most of all.. These are the important things..
Firstly.. she must be able to understand me.. Because..
I’ll never let anyone to understand me before.. Until her.. Hahaha..
Secondly.. I’m not the type who listen to people.. I think it’s my nature.. xD!!
But.. Magically.. Her word’s will makes me listen.. Hahaha..
And… Finally the last and the most important thing is..
She must have this one thing.. I don’t know how to describe it into words..
It’s just.. Whenever or whatever I’m doing as well of making any decision.. I’ll think of her first.. Wahahahahaha..
What is that called?? I also didn’t know.. Weird.. Miaaaaaaahahahaa!!!
That’s all my type of girl.. A bit demand there.. But.. You asked.. So..
It’s my job to answer.. xD!!



And one thing for sure.. Don’t ask me on a steady relationship..
Because I’m not ready.. I don’t know when I’m gonna be ready..
Perhaps.. I don’t want to be ready.. ^____^
I’m already fine being like this.. I don’t need anything else to change it..
Even though from time to time.. There’s time I’ll hurt so much.. I must get used to it..
I quoted something here.. From a movie titled “A Walk to Remember”



”Love is always patient and kind..
It is never jealous..
Love is never boastful or conceited..
It is never rude or selfish..
It does not takes offense and is not resentful”

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