Sunday, October 7, 2012

Happy Birthday..

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 2:13 AM

As much as I’m missing you right now..
And as much as I want to celebrate it with you..
I just can’t..
I just want to say..
Thank you for being born to this world..
You’ve open my eyes a lot..
For these past few years..

Thank you for all these thing..
You’re the most precious thing ever happen to me..
I don’t want to spoiled your day..
I’ll keep on low profile..
Have a blast..
I’ll just watching from far and keep my distance..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you..

 

Friday, September 28, 2012

Self Sulking Momentoo...

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 7:27 PM

On this post..
I just feels like want to write to express those negative feelings..
Erm… I was.. in this really3 stupid and awkward position..
How to say arh >.<
It’s just too uncomfortable position.. Ok!!!

Here we go..
Examples.. There’s a lot of thanks coming up next.. xD!!
Thanks for putting me in this situation..
Thanks for giving me such a hard time..
During these critical moments..
Thanks for messing with my head.. And my heart though.. (I’m  100% to blame for this)..

These stupid feeling getting more and more stupid when I saw you acting like nothing ever happen..
I may not that important to you.. 
But!!!!!! On the contrary you are to me!!
It’s good for you.. For not being affected.. But it’s been hell for me!!

What do you think my reaction when people ask about you..
Ask about how I’m feeling about us..
They even make fun.. Jokes.. For what were happens..
I just don’t know how to react.. Tell me how I’m suppose to respond to that shit!!

And the funny thing is.. I got this one feeling..
The feelings that makes me feels like I’m the number one most stupid person in this whole universe..
Please do know that.. This is the only one thing I don’t want to happen..
And that is because those noob things..

But it’s seems.. I can’t stop that..
The most scared thing I don’t want to happen.. Is happening right now..
There’s none to blame either both of us.. 
Really… None..

I just want to let it out.. Write to express those feelings..
 It was way much better than saying it out loud..
Hee.. Lastly.. I’m really glad you were happy and overcome these thing..
Yep.. Really glad.. 

But now..
Just left me alone.. Fighting in these fucking emotion..
Whewww…. Kinda feel relief a bit..
No hard feeling… Just still in a struggling period..
Hahaha.. 

On behalf of this post..
I really3 hate you!!
I really am!!
But that only apply on this post only
=)
That's all.. Heee...

 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Argument....

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 12:56 AM

Argument..
Is the most efficient way of communication in any relationship..
Because.. This shows..
How much you do cares about your partner..

Do appreciate it..
You’ll never realize it.. Up until You’ll lose it..
Trust me.. Because it’s happening to me right now..
Now I’m really yielding for it..

The way you talk..
The tone.. The expression..
Almost tear me apart right now..
It’s hard to describe the pain that I’m having now..

Each day.. seeing you in a different way..
Compare the way that I used to see you before..
Totally hurt inside..
A fake smile that I given while seeing you..
It’s really mean a thousand thing..
Awkward.. Hurt.. Sad.. Happy..
Empty.. Sorrow..
All mixed up in one piece.. 

Please do teach me how you overcome it..
Because.. I really cannot stand this pain anymore..
If I knew how to fix it in the 1st place..
I would had been fixed it..

But it seems.. It’s getting worst..
 How I’m supposed to get rid a part of me!!!
I just can’t..

Just.. All of sudden..
While doing my work..
You pop up out of my mind..
Nothing's rare.. Its just..
Too frequent..

 

Monday, September 10, 2012

Forever Alone

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 1:02 AM

9/9/12..
Yeap.. Still counting.. 5 years and a month..
It’s been three months since the separated thingy.. Should I counting it? Stupid me..
And still I’m struggling.. People say.. 
When something like this happens.. You barely can handle your normal life..

At first.. I’m thinking that none of that statement is true.. Until it happens to me now..
I really can’t do much work right now.. I can’t get my head back on its track..
There’s a hole right here.. I can’t filled in.. No matter how much I try.. 

Keep on working.. Keep on playing games.. 
Keep myself busy by doing anything that keeps me really busy and tired..

But.. By the end.. Your name.. Keep rolling on inside my damn mind.. 
Why it’s been so hard for me to let you go.. I still don’t have that kind of strength..
Do I have any more chance for being with you? 
I don’t know who have that answer.. Either me.. You.. Or Neither both of us..

Deep in my heart.. I really hope you’d stay.. 
I thought this love would last..
Now I’m really living in the past..  Cause it just me and memories..  
 Of how my heart will skip a beat whenever you are near..

I don’t know what else to do.. It’s really pain for having this thing.. 
I’ve still have no idea how to deal with it..
I need to let it out though.. 
Cause I’ve got tons of work to do and need to complete it in this short times..
At least.. It can help me lighten a bit.. 
Yeap.. 
Write really does makes me feel better.. Even though it’s just a bit.. 
But it’s better than nothing.. Hee..

 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I Do Not Know How...

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 3:50 PM

Hey... Its been a month now..
Since we've been broke up..
And.. the thing is.. I'm too tired..
Tired to pretend.. Tired to feel nothing..
Tired acting like I'm over with this relationship..

The truth is.. I'm still in mourning period.. LOL!
Its just not fair.. Why is it so easy for her.. For this thing to happen..
Feels like.. She's didn't have any special feeling from the beginning..
Is this relation does not have any value or any worth for her??

As for me.. It feels like.. I'm really suffocated here..
Almost every time feels like I didn't have the ability to breathe..
I just want you to know its hard for me!!!!!!
Even though its been a month..
Plus... You acting like we were never have been in this relationship from the first place!!!
And its really hurting me!!!

Its really weird you get over it with so easy..
Maybe you don't want to make things harder..
Yeap... No doubt... I know that..

I just upset.. Treated like this.. 
Avoiding by making excuses for anything that I ask..
I'll just get rid of myself if you do not like me around you..
By the end... I'm still loving you..

Hmm..
Just want to thank you for..
Teach me what is loyalty..
Teach me how to love..
How being love..

What we have before..
I would never had it the same with others..
None can replace you..
Really... No one..


I really hate myself for what I am right now!!!


I HATE MYSELF!!!

 

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