Friday, December 14, 2012

Letting Go!!!!

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 3:09 PM

To let go isn’t to forget,
not to think about, or ignore.
It doesn’t leave feelings of anger,
jealousy, or regret.
Letting go isn’t winning,
and it isn’t losing.
It’s not about pride,
and it’s not about how you appear,
and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past.
 Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts,
and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness.
It’s not giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not defeat.
To let go is to cherish memories,
and overcome and move on.
It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future.
Letting go is accepting.
It’s learning and experiencing and growing.
To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh,
made you cry, and made you grow.
It’s about all that you have, all that you had,
and all that you will soon again.
Letting go is having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving.
Letting go is growing up.
It’s realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.
To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path, and to set you free.

i Wish  i Have that strength...
xD!!

 

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Uninterested to be read -___-

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 2:37 AM

It’s been sometimes..
But still I find..
I’m struggling with our last goodbye..
I thought this love would last..
Now I’m living in the past..
Coz it just me and memories..
Of how my heart will skip a beat..
Whenever you’re near..
Now you’re never here..
Before I find the strength to let this go..
The is a couple things I need for u to know..
Your eyes are wonderful..
Your smile is too..
Your laugh contagious..
And your heart is true..
There’s beauty in your touch..
And your kiss is love..
You’re everything that I ever dream of..
You’re everything that makes me fall in love..
**I should came up with a better words I think..
Coz.. I just can’t find the right words right now..
These are only  things that keep rolling inside my mind.. (almost 100% la)


After been thinking.. Thinking.. And thinking.. More thinking..
I come to a conclusion.. That..
This is not the end.. It just the beginning..
Yeap.. The beginning of my love story..
I should write a novel about it.. Hahaha..
Although I’m a bad writer though..
There is many things to fill in.. Many things came up inside my mind..
I’m not sure if I can do as what I’m thinking..
Nothing possible though if you try your hardest..
And if the result is the same.. Means failed..
It’s worth it.. At least I try very hard to do it..
It’s a shame if I gave up before trying to do something that I truly want..
We won’t always know the answer..
We won’t always can predict the answer..
Instead by doing nothing.. I’m gonna pull up everything that I could..
And give it my best.. I know how much I can stand up..
Coz there’s nothing left for me..
The only pieces that I hold onto.. I’m not gonna let it fade away easily..


Argggghhh.. I still want to write..
This time I’m gonna write till I’m satisfied..
And.. If any readers out there came to read this..
You may want to stop reading coz I really have a lot to write in xD!!
Alright.. First thing first.. I’m gonna talk about my position and my condition right now..
To be frank it was a lot easier and lighter for me..
That is because.. She talks to me!!! Yeayy!!! Should been done early before..
But anyway, how late it is.. It still makes me calm down.. Happy!!!!
Even nothing much we talk about.. It’s better than nothing.. Hahaha..
The conversation just last for 30 minutes ++ I think..
I was like… Err.. Nervous?? Numb?? Shaken?? All sort of thing suddenly come to me..
I shouldn’t be pretty nervous back then!! Sighs~~
And everything that I’ve been planned before is stuck.. LOL!!!
I lost my ability to talk.. Think and react..
Overall… Ermm.. Hahahahaha.. Budu.. Shouldn’t evaluate it la.. zzZZ..
Yeahh… I’m happy.. It’s been a while since I was happy like that… Muaaaaaaahahahahaha..
Ok.. enough with the happy things.. Now we move on the next chapter xD!!


Then.. There was a trip.. A class trip to Kundasang-Ranau..
At the beginning I starting to question myself..
Am I right by doing this thing??? Joining this trip??
I couldn’t find the answer.. And my stupidity makes me text her and ask her.. >.<”
She says “all is well”.. Short answer.. But still I couldn’t let myself satisfied enough.. Haizzz..
And there goes the trip.. While going to some places.. I kept thinking..
Do I have any opportunities to walk and talk with her..
And I let my stupidity takes over again and ask her.. Of course she’ll reject.. Budu!!
And some more asking to take pictures with her.. What the… >.<”
It’s just before.. I never have to get any permission or something like that..
My stupidness becomes more and more stupid -___-“
And then.. I was like stress and so whatever..
Suddenly I’m getting angry and uneasy while going to the canopy walk..
Seriously I lost all the moods that time.. I know why I’m like that..
But it’s not worth mention it here.. Hahaha..
And finally the last day.. I get to have a picture with her!!! Wahahaha..
Even it was like coincidence of it just our friends teasing us..
I get to have picture with her.. HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!
But then.. Something stupid happens.. Suddenly my camera’s memory card have problem T_T..
All the pictures gone.. I mean real gone.. That time.. I feels like.. OH GOD WHY!!! Hahaha
I was really down.. Sad and discouraged.. But finally..
 I get back all the pictures even I already formatted the memory card.. Wahahaha..
I was really happy and keep dancing, jumping like stupid monkey… Hahaha
I never know that.. There is a software that can recover formatted volumes… =.=”
Okay… we moving on to the next chapter.. Hehe..


These was on the last day we’ve met..
I end up using all my ideas to make excuses just to have a little talk to her before the last goodbye..
Unfortunately, I didn’t have any chance to make a proper thanks and proper farewell..
I was really sad.. Down and disappointed..
That time I was like timed-boom.. By any seconds will kaboooOOOMMM!!!
I didn’t realize when the trigger pulled and suddenly explodes..
Boooooyahhhhh!!!! Hahaha…
Seriously I’m having a really bad time back then… Wahahaha… Silly me..
It takes a while for me to recover from it..
But I pretend nothing happens since there were many people in my house..
Which was very very very hard… xD!!
But then I tried to pull myself together and get along with others..


And now.. The holiday started.. This was the best part above all..
Truthfully its SUCKS!!!!!!!!
I can’t find a way to make myself better!!!
I’m seriously getting worse.. I pick some quotes here..
“Now (referred back then) memang susah coz dekat and selalu jumpa… Wait till berjauhan.. Then it will be much easier to let go.. To forget and to move on”
The hell is easier.. After all the things happen.. It’s a lot HARDER!!!!!!!!!!!
For you to say it was really easy.. As for me who having this kind of pain..
Just really getting it worse.. Aduh… I can’t bring myself to think about it..
I really don’t get it.. Which part is easy.. As far as I know.. Nothing is easy about it.. Sighs~~
I LOVE YOU!!! This words won’t prove anything.. My words aren’t enough to prove it..
My action still won’t enough.. I know every inches commitment that I’ll have to go through to make a relationship happens..
But still.. Words are just words.. Nothing more than that..
The truth is, I’m afraid.. I’m really afraid.. That I’ll lost you.. (The fact is I already lost you pun)
Why there is still care… Why there is still jealousy.. Why I’m still hoping..
Every time you pushed me away.. I feels like dying inside.. The pain is unbearable..
You said that you don’t want to make me hurt more.. You said that!!!!!
But now all I’m feeling is hurt.. Please make it go away..
By that time you make that promise.. I already tanam in my head it’s ONLY YOU..
Everything that I make was to be with you.. And when you said that you can’t fulfill the promise..
I was like.. Blank!!! Huh!! So what the meaning all of the thing I’ve been lived up for..
The only thing that I hold and lived up for is suddenly gone.. Literally gone..
How I’m supposed to lived up my life now.. I’ll do everything even I have to pick up these broken piece till I’m bleeding if that will make it right..
Hmm.. I think I already wrote too much.. Still I have plenty to write in..


If by any chances you reading this.. (maybe less than 1 in 1000 chances)
I just want you to know that I love you.. And I will always..
I’m sorry I weren’t able to find the strength to let you go..
I think I might fine with these.. Yet not fine >.<”
I can’t be selfish.. But I couldn’t let myself to be selfish..
I have to stop think about you.. But it’s like every split seconds you slip in my thought..
So.. I won’t stop thinking about you..
It’s just like that song.. I forgot the title though.. Hahaha..
“I need you like water, like breath, like rain” xD!!
Heee… I’m done writing…
I WANT NONE.. OTHER THAN YOU..
PLEASE BE WITH ME!!!

 

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Letter..

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 2:04 AM

Babe….
I love u enough to…
Fight for you...
Compromise for you..
And sacrifice myself for you if need be..

Babe….
I love u enough to…
Miss you incredibly when we are a part…
No matter what length of time its for..
And regardless off the distance..

Babe….
I love u enough to…
To believe in our relationship…
To stand by it through the worse of time…
To have faith in our strength as a soulmate…
And to never give up on us..

Babe….
I love u enough to…
Spend the rest of my life with you…
Be there for you when you need and want me…
And never ever want to lose or live without you…
I LOVE you this much babe!
 ______________________________________________________________________
 Erm..To be frank..
That was the very first love letter I have received from someone..
From my entire life..
And thanks for the letter..

This was the main reason why I'm still like this..
Still living in the past..
I believe every single word at the letter..
That's why I'm still holding up..
You say.. You'll never give up on us..
You're never even want to lose or live without me..
Even I have to through all these pain..
I still can bear it.. Because of this..

This relationship really taught me what is the real meaning of loyalty..
Even though we part right now.. I'm still putting hope..
You ask me to move on..
I barely can do that..

That is because.. The love.. The care for you..
Too deep..
Even so.. You keep avoiding me.. Less communicate with me..
Keep your distance from me..
It's been painful and really hard for me..
But still.. I can handle it..
Even it torn me into pieces..
Till no more pieces left..

I never ask you to come back to me..
But.. I want you to come back to me by your own decision..
Not because I ask you to..
I really become dumb.. Stupid..
Retard.. and messy right now..

I just don't know how to live my life anymore..
Plus.. the time for being with you is running out..
I just wish with this little left time..
I would have something nice and sweet with you..
My only wish is just want you to be at my side..
No matter what happen.. No matter what length of time..
Always at my side..

As for now.. I'll just keep waiting..
As a reminder for myself..
Just keep holding up..
Put all my guts together..
And bear it till the end..
Because I know what I want..
I truly know..


That was the very most precious piece of memories..
Of us.. That I'll never forget..

 

Monday, October 8, 2012

Upset.. Noob

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 12:57 AM


Olaa…
On this post pula..
I just wanna say that WELCOME BACK OLD ME..
I really made my mind that.. I want to end this thing..
Really should put an end to that.. Because I hold those feeling too long already (I think not that long la)..
As a result it cost me sooooo much till I can’t think normally.. LOL..

And the things that.. Erm.. what should I call it.. Friendship?.. Bestfriend ever? Ohh..
Please don’t make me laugh.. Thing is.. 
Did you think those thing above will work out.. I mean.. Any of it??
See now.. THAT THING IS THE MOST UNWANTED THING I EVER WANT TO HAPPEN!!!
I thought we supposed to hold it at least until we graduated..

But it seems things happen.. Nothing to blame of..
Yet suffered the most is me.. me.. and ME!!
Why only me?? I really have no idea..
Since I’m not satisfied with one thing here.. 

I’m just gonna wrote it off..
The hang out thing.. Erm.. How to say arhh…
Hmm.. When I ask you out.. You say don’t want just the two of us..
Of course I agree… Even though it hurts me a lot.. (trying to jujur here)
Then.. Time passes by..
“I’ll go out with you the next time if I’m free”(still considerable even still hurting me a lot)
After that.. “after AR presentation maybe?” (Ok.. I still can handle and wait.. That pain inside keeps growing)

Finally now.. even after AR.. still didn’t have any chance to go out with you.. Ahhh.. stupid me..
Hoping for something that’ll never gonna happen..
But.. those three things pain incomparable with the knowledge.. Err.. Pa tuu aaa…
Ok..  The knowledge that you’ve been hanging out with your friends..
Is it anything wrong about that.. True!! Nothing’s wrong with that..

You can do whatever you want.. Go wherever you like.. And I don’t give a damn thing about it..
It’s just.. You say you were busy and didn’t have any time to spend with me..
But… Going out with others can pula >.<
And.. sure I don’t have the right to argue for what you want to do..
But please.. If can’t fulfill a promise.. Don’t make any..
You have no idea what I’ve been through that time.. (I mean that period time of waiting)

As for now.. No more good person.. No more caring thingy..
I’ll live my life for what I see suited the most..
As for you.. I may cannot completely erase you from any part of me..
It takes time.. Wound may heal.. But the scar’s just don’t..

And lastly.. One thing for sure.. The love for you just won’t get any changes..
It just keep growing.. And you didn’t have any idea how much and long it can stand..
These are just myself sulking and babbling moments..
But now.. I choose to make a change.. To endure these thing alone.. xD!!

 

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Happy Birthday..

0 comments Posted by NeverSm1le at 2:13 AM

As much as I’m missing you right now..
And as much as I want to celebrate it with you..
I just can’t..
I just want to say..
Thank you for being born to this world..
You’ve open my eyes a lot..
For these past few years..

Thank you for all these thing..
You’re the most precious thing ever happen to me..
I don’t want to spoiled your day..
I’ll keep on low profile..
Have a blast..
I’ll just watching from far and keep my distance..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you..

 

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